im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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