just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
