Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
