brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
