I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
