Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
