I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
