She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
