i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
