if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
