I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
