I am puke
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
