I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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