i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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