My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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