Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ladies don't puke and tell
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
