god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
