I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
