come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
