so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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