dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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