everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
