I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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