I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
