Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
