things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
