how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
