My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
