Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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