Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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