Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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