I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
