WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
