I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
