When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
