I bet he comes in French.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her