i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.