I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.