we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
