I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?