I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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