she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
