I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
