There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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