Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
