someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
