At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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