dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
