I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
