My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Please, let me fuck your mom
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
