So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
