This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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