i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize