I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
