Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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