idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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