Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
