I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
