if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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