I just made out with a guy for $7.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho