every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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