Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick