I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
