Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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