I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
me + whiskey = a bad person
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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