Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
