Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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