im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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