I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
