...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
