I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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