apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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