Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
