So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
