i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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