sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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