im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Actions speak louder than pants.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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