Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
