There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
