I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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