Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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