Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?