did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
