I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
