I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children