Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
