Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
