i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
