I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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