i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's even glitter on my cock...
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