So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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