Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
