All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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