He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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