My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.