Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
