Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"